[Nettime-bold] A Very British Empire?

["Lachlan Brown" <lachlan@london.com>]

A Very British Empire?  'Somewhere on Internet the sun never sets'  . Lachlan Brown

The British, the people who gave the world the computer, distributed computing, the World Wide Web, to mention mere technical accomplishments of recent times, as well as, dare I say it a cogent cultural critique of all three (as yet unpublished...),  seem unduly prepared for this specific eventuality, a World War of some duration. 

The War has been 're-branded' a war of 'enduring freedom' rather than a war 'of infinite justice' a phrase obviously hastily scripted en route between George (the Beast) Bush Jrs. bolt holes during the successful attack on the American Military and Market of September 11th. Since the labotomisation of American Military and Domestic  intelligence occured a new intelligence has emerged to take its place, that of British Intelligence which appears wholly prepared for the restoration of a moral empire with wise laws you should all adopt like our anti-terrorist legislation, and ethical direction of Anti-Christ's American arsenal.

The new phrase reeks of New Labour 'spin-doctoring' specifically addressed to the readership of The Daily Mail. This war of 'enduring freedom' must win the hearts and minds of women whose consensus for war is necessary. The war has become a war
(conducted by the greatest concentration of military muscle the world has ever seen) against the misogyny of the Taliban in the public imaginary. Strange stories appear confirming the desparate misogyny of suspected terrorists.

This war is getting more and more complicated in its execution by the second. The unlikliest of alliances are being formed as if by nature, as if natural and abiding, as if all issues from the natural globality of the earth itself. My god, its not war its weather.

 As the grammatology of war becomes simpler the narratology emerges as it were like a rose from the bud. The English Speaking World, led by Stella Remington of MI6 - though most English speaking countries appear wisely hesitant to heed the call, except America which is acting on reflex without participation of the higher faculties beyond the reptilian cortex - is going to war, led by 'New Labour'' which has fixed its aspiration for moral imperialism on the  'Mad Mahdi" Osamar bin Laden and his "Fuzzy-Wuzzy" 'network of terror' in the mountainous deserts of Sudan, sorry, I mean Afghanistan. 

British journalists are busying about Northern Afghanistan in Lawrence or Arabia chic, mobilising the confused 'rag-tag' militia of the Northern Alliance and its broken down Soviet rocket launchers by hitching them up to BBC vehicles on their way to 'the front'.

Meanwhile, at home, the Brits are buying gas masks and making love. The lights are going out, all over the world, but no doubt we shall all meet again, don't know where, don't know when.  Demographics, the study of change in population, has been and remains the best index of the scale of the crisis to come. Sex and death are intimate partners and a baby boom of World War proportions is expected for mid-late 2002 onwards in America and in Britain. The Ango-Saxon alliance, 'The English Speaking World' proposed by Winston Churchill as the natural successor civilisation has emerged and is on its way to visit you wherever you may be. If you are not a terrorist, you very soon will be, whether you jolly well like it or not.

Osamar bin Laden and his 'network of terror' will not be enough, a repressive fundamantalist political sect of Islam merely the first chapter, Islam a mere curiosity religion on the way of the Church of England on its ethical adventure among familiar flocks. The Orient and Shangrilah undoubtedly the goal. No doubt the Third World in an enduring way will welcome the return of the Brits and their ethical Empire. India, prepare the tea, Latin America, greet the Gringos, the Brits are coming back. Japan, open your entrepots and trade routes to the descendents of The Vikings.  The world will thank the Brits for leading the American monster with thoughtfullness, and with intelligence. For the first time in more than one hundred years, the British have the military muscle to back up their aims, a wounded and deranged American war machine experiencing for the first time intense State paranoia brought about by a campaign of Terrorism at home. 

Australians, Canadians, Jamaicans, Indians, heed the call of the Mother country. Now we need you more than ever to remind the Brits that this narrative is quite simply a highly unlikely scenario. Things are likely to go awry, very early on, and once they begin to go wrong, they are going to go very, very, wrong indeed. The alliances formed are not natural and will not endure.

Europeans? Your opinion has not, you will have noticed, been sought.

Lets give this war a name it will, if allowed to begin, be remembered for 
'The total fuck up'.

Maybe the British ought to sort things out at home, like stop the trains falling off the railway tracks, that sort of thing, sort out their self-inflicted bio-war before even thinking about re-exporting The British Empire and its laws against 'terror'.


Lachlan Brown
http:// ...





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